winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
