I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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