I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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