sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
