I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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