Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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