i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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