he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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