I have demons in me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
