If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
