I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
