Your face is a jimmy john
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
