omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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