so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
