i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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