Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
