he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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