My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
