Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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