i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
should my penis look like a turkey
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
