You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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