Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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