everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
