i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
