I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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