loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
