Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
kristin has been a bad kristin
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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