I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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