But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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