I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize