Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
