I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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