hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
