Where is the hickey?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
