he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
