i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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