Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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