the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
