at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
