Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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