I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.