her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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