I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.