i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?