Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night

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  (201): i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night http://tfl.nu/v4yn
  Replies (73) Good night (1305) Bad night (12934)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"

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  (203): well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father" http://tfl.nu/5bjg
  Replies (20) Good night (1265) Bad night (5700)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (34) Good night (6926) Bad night (1472)
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  (949): View more from California

  Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.

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  (949): Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later. http://tfl.nu/ckzf
  Replies (10) Good night (2450) Bad night (922)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.

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  (859): When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/xa7u
  Replies (31) Good night (838) Bad night (7348)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.

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  (828): and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/xi75
  Replies (9) Good night (1943) Bad night (686)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

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  (215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851
  Replies (3) Good night (1889) Bad night (617)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
  Replies (9) Good night (2208) Bad night (717)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"

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  (608): I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!" http://tfl.nu/mxo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1216) Bad night (540)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running

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  (931): Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running http://tfl.nu/vdeh
  Replies (6) Good night (722) Bad night (652)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.

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  (469): I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years. http://tfl.nu/9l4v
  Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (569)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."

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  (361): Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again." http://tfl.nu/1lne
  Replies (9) Good night (1088) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.

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  (828): I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight. http://tfl.nu/6ztd
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (328)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.

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  (218): I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench. http://tfl.nu/hyfp
  Replies (5) Good night (295) Bad night (541)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt

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  (604): you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt http://tfl.nu/zjh0
  Replies (1) Good night (813) Bad night (225)

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