tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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