Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"