There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
