based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
