all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
