Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
