my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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