can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
