Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
