not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
