I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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