Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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