I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
