I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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