did you get engaged???
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
