you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
