Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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