even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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