I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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