Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
