how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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