i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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