Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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