What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
