Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
