It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
