theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
