Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
