im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think i got beer on your cat.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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