you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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