i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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