Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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