She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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