70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize