they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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