I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize