i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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