sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
