why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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