i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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