fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
