The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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