i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
