Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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